A week before we left for a girls’ trip to Goa, my friend sent a message on the groupchat that stopped me in my tracks: ‘I have decided I will be doing three outfit changes per day.’ At first, I laughed, flummoxed. Then, I quickly followed suit: ‘Me too.’ Just like her, I wanted a carousel of photos to post on my Instagram grid. One thirst trap in a bikini, another sexy, maybe sheer outfit. One relaxed #candid reading by the beach, another in a summery dress sipping a pina colada.

Vacations today aren’t just about taking time off. They’re about showing others that your time off is better than theirs–and reminding that one ex-situationship how hot and carefree you are. A vacation is the time to compete with the sceneries you pose in front of: to make sure no one looks at the beach or sunset behind you because they’re too busy admiring your fit and bare (no makeup-makeup) face. If you’re struggling to pack, dress up or even pose for what could potentially be the most engaging Instagram post on your feed, QUOD has you covered with these 6 steps on the perfect sexy vacation post.

Pinterest it

Are you even taking this seriously if you haven’t made a vacation mood board yet? Decide the vibe you’re going for: are you a clean girl for lunch and a mob wife for dinner? Is that mini skirt tucked away in your wardrobe lowkey similar to what Kendall Jenner wore in Bali? Shortlist a few outfits: a statement dress, an oversized t-shirt, a pair of black pants that go with everything. Then, go back to your longlist and pack your entire wardrobe, just in case. You never know when you might need that latex bodysuit inspired by Britney Spears’ Oops!... I did it again.

Daydream about your ex-situationship commenting on your post

Lie in bed fantasising about the post you’ll make after your vacation and the many fawning comments you’ll receive. Look through your favourite celebrities’ vacation photos: Bella Hadid riding a horse, Kim Kardashian throwing up a peace sign (or losing a diamond earring), Kylie Jenner smizing in a bikini. Save their posts not only because yours will be better but also because these are poses you could potentially attempt. Daydream about that ex-situationship leaving a comment.

Find the perfect photo background

Now that you’re on vacation with your entire wardrobe, decide where you’d like to pose. If you’re at the beach, make sure to stand against the light. Find a shack or an especially pretty patch of sand for a photo that seems #casual and #chill as opposed to an orchestrated shot in the sea. Get creative with props. Drink in hand? Sip on it. Table at the cafe? Lean on it. Menu card? Read it like it’s the most riveting book since Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar.

Pose like social anxiety fears YOU

Look around awkwardly. Bite your lip a little. Think about every other vacationer judging you. Think about all the people who are waiting for you to be done so they can walk past you. Stand so straight you look like a kid asking their class teacher if they can use the restroom. Grumble about never knowing what to do with your hands.

Whine and ruin everyone’s mood

This part is crucial. Swipe through all the photos your friend has taken, sighing louder with each one. Whine about every single photo, then point out your own flaws. Has your face gotten longer in the last few months? Are your shoulders too broad? Is your posture hopeless? Complain about all these issues throughout the entire vacation, then ask your friend to retake photos each time. Make sure to say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Make your selects

Your three-day vacation is finally over. Sift through the hundreds of photos in your gallery and pick the five that will… kind of do. (You have to post something, after all). Choose a variety: the only bikini photo where looking at your body doesn’t make you want to take up gymming, that one profound page from the book you hardly read, your pizza that looked really good but tasted like shit, a selfie where your lips don’t look too chapped. In the caption, a simple white heart or sun emoji–or of course, you can go with a song lyric. Girls just wanna have sun.